Words to Conquer

Alexander the Great stopped at India and retreated to his death in Babylon when he had “no worlds left to conquer”. Mark Zuckerberg might consider hotel reservations in Babylon now. He is also running out of worlds to conquer.

Mark proudly exhibited gold and silver medals that he won in Brazilian Ju-Jitsu last weekend on (what else?) Facebook. His three coaches praised him. “Mark is the best student I ever had,” said Dave Camarillo who previously trained MMA world champions. “Most guys give up after a few sessions, but Mark stuck with it.”

The true story is somewhat less complimentary to the Facebook founder. Mark’s first competition was was in the Novice, over 30, 150 pound classification. There were a grand total of two other competitors neither of whom had three coaches. In his first match, Mark went for a takedown, but ended up pinned to the mat himself. After about two minutes of Mark flat on his back covered by the other guy, the referee ended the match in favor of Mark’s opponent.

Mark then did what any billionaire would do. He bitched loud and hard until the referee changed the match results to a 0–0 draw. “This match was rigged! Find me 11,000 more votes in Georgia.”

Properly chastened, match officials made sure that Mark won his second match and that he “won the gold” on overall points.

Since he was on a hot streak, Mark then entered the “Gi category” against competitors who wear the traditional garb and sport a colored belt that shows their prowess. “I’m an unemployed ju-jitsu bum and this guy is a billionaire who hates to lose. If I lay down for him, maybe I’m a Facebook executive tomorrow.” Mark won a silver medal and earned a “white belt”

Alexander the Great should have taken up Brazilian Ju-Jitsu. He was wealthy and powerful enough to win any competition that he entered. It’s working for Mark Zuckerberg.

By Ed Dufton