Wilkes-Barre

Scranton people have little to be proud of. In the early 1960s, we had the dirtiest air in the country and our Lackawanna River was the second most polluted after Cleveland’s Cuyahoga which famously caught fire. Scranton suffered two bankruptcies and two county commissioners were jailed for accepting bribes. “The Office” was unrealistic in that it showed clean streets. The TV show hit the mark with the bad hair-dos and the poor clothing choices typical of the Electric City though.

As bad as Scranton was, we could always take pride that Wilkes-Barre was worse.

For example, Scrantonians do not feed live chickens to alligators like those Wilkes-Barre low-lifes. Last week, the owner of CDE Exotics, a “pet store” in Wilkes-Barre was approached by a group of ne’er-do-wells carrying a live chicken. Chicken transport by hand is atypical even for Wilkes-Barre.

“We want to toss this chicken into your alligator pen.” Of course, CDE Exotics sells baby alligators. That degree of animal cruelty is a bit much even for Wilkes-Barre. The owner offered to buy the chicken.

“We will sell it to you if you let us watch you feed it to your gators.”

“I’m not doing that. What comes into my store alive stays alive. By the way, did you steal that chicken?”

“Of course not, we bought it from a guy in New Haven, Connecticut.”

The pet store owner ended up buying the chicken. As far as we know, it did not end up as Gator Chow.

Apparently, transporting a chicken across state lines for immoral purposes is OK in Wilkes-Barre. The pet store owner reported the incident to the local police and got zero response. He then gave the story to the Wilkes-Barre Citizens’ Voice which published it. Our beloved Scranton Times picked up the story. Once again, we can feel superior to Wilkes-Barre.

By Ed Dufton