Why Are You Voting for Dr. Oz?

The election is 2.5 months away. A lot can happen between now and then. Right now though, Pennsylvania appears poised to send Democrat John Fetterman to the US Senate as opposed to Republican Dr Oz.

The major issue is not inflation, Ukraine, abortion, taxes, climate change or anything else that a Senator should be concerned with. It is “Who is the Real Pennsylvanian?” Is it the 6’-6”, 300 lb guy with a shaved head and tattoos wearing a hoodie and cargo shorts? Or is it the guy with mansions in New Jersey, Palm Beach, and the Carribean who pushed “miracle cures” on TV for years?

The Onion chimed in on the race with “Man on the Street” answers to “Why are you voting for Dr Oz?”:

“Oprah and Dr Phil aren’t running”. (We elected that TV guy who hosted “The Apprentice and look how well that turned out.)

“He must be serious about Pennsylvania if he’s willing to pay the $5 toll from his home in Jersey.” (There’s a reason why there’s no charge to drive from PA or NY to NJ, but there is a toll to get out of the Garden(?) State.)

“I’ve been gullible enough to let him tell me what to eat for a decade, so I can’t stop trusting him now.” (I lost 50 pounds in 50 days on his no-exercise, foolproof coffee and chocolate diet.)

“He said it’s the only surefire way to clear up my eczema.” (Operators are standing by to ship you a free sample once you call this number with proof that you voted for Dr Oz.)

“It’s high time we had a senator who appreciates the healing properties of colloidal silver.” (If only we had all swallowed Lysol like President Trump talked about, COVID would be no more.)

On the other hand, Trump carried Pennsylvania in 2016 so anything is possible.

By Ed Dufton