Victory Celebration

What happens at an Election Night Victory Celebration when the results won’t be known for several days?

Arizona Republicans had high hopes for 2022. They would elect MAGA “true believers” as Senator, Governor and, most important, Secretary of State. That office controls elections and declares winners. In future elections, if the MAGA crowd is unhappy with the results, their Secretary of State can claim Trumpian “rigging” and just pick a winner.

The Celebration was held at an exclusive resort in Scottsdale. Tucker Carlson constantly warns us about the Democrat “elites” who don’t care about the common folk. This Republican gathering carried a $20 cover charge for a pizza appetizers and a cash bar. That’s not bad. Movies cost almost that much nowadays. Most attendees went for the $500 Private Reception with crudités, an open bar, and a chance to rub elbows with the candidates. That is a bit pricey for “non-elites”. Then there was the $1.000 Private Experience with hot appetizers, champagne, and a photo op with “the next Senator / Governor / Secretary of State”. A framed photo with a politician is the centerpiece of the office decor for any rich guy. $1,000 is a reasonable price for that conversation starter.

Donnie was not in attendance, but speakers at the Celebration read from the Trump Script. “Nancy Pelosi is losing the gavel but finding the hammer” brought gales of laughter. What’s funnier than an 84 year old man assaulted in the middle of the night and suffering a fractured skull?

Paranoia is a constant amongst the MAGA Faithful. “Attending this event increased your chances of an FBI raid by 50%.” That is certainly true if you absconded with a trove of classified documents.

“Biden is a lost child with a very dirty diaper.” Say what? That’s not even a quality insult during first grade recess.

Will Ferrell’s “Anchorman” is not exactly the Sermon on the Mount when it comes to words to live by. Still, Ron Burgundy closed his newscasts with “Stay classy, San Diego.” Those Arizona MAGA folk showed no class at all.

By Ed Dufton

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Lynette Dufton

These posts are written by my father, Ed Dufton, who has an incredible knack of condensing the day’s news into a witty and insightful commentary on society.