The Tea Issue
The U.S. and the U.K. are, in Churchill’s words, “the same country separated by a common language.” “Let’s watch footie on the telly” makes no sense to an Alabaman.
Then there’s the matter of divergent choices in hot caffeinated beverages. While John Wayne would gag on a cup of tea to start his day on the cattle drive, James Bond needs “a cuppa” before saving the world from Goldfinger. How, then, dare an American advise our British cousins on how to prepare the ultimate cup of tea?
Michelle Francl, a chemistry professor at Bryn Mawr College in Pennsylvania wrote a book on tea preparation. She advised adding a dash of salt to help the tea taste less bitter. She further recommended a squeeze of lemon, not for taste, but to help to remove the “scum” that can sit on the surface of the water. Apparently the water in Bryn Mawr is really bad just like it is in London. Lastly, Michele countenanced vigorous dunking and squeezing of the tea bag. “Steeping” is a waste of time.
Gaza and Ukraine are aflame in war. Houthi rebels (whatever they are) are firing missiles at oil tankers in the Red Sea. But the Morning News programs in the U.K. dealt with the “tea issue” first. They conducted taste tests of the “American Tea” in tea rooms across the U.K. Brits were not enamored with the stuff. “It tastes like seawater.” “Absolutely awful” were the most common comments.
American taxpayers may wonder what benefit derives from having a US embassy in foreign lands. Our embassy in London proved its worth with this official comment on the “tea issue”. “Tea is the elixir of camaraderie, a sacred bond that unites our nations. We cannot stand idly by as such an outrageous proposal threatens the very foundation of our special relationship. Therefore we want to assure the good people of the UK that the unthinkable notion of adding salt to Britain’s national drink is not official United States policy. And never will be.”
So far, so good. Redcoats will not be storming up Bunker Hill again. Then the US embassy ruined it. “Our staff will continue to make tea in the proper way — by microwaving it.” Oh those cheeky Yanks.
The British government, with apparently nothing better to do, posted a reply, “We appreciate our Special Relationship, however, we must disagree wholeheartedly. … Tea can only be made using a kettle.”
The Great Tea Issue of 2024 continues.
By Ed Dufton
