The Great Pet Crisis of 2024
There were many issues that should have been discussed during last night’s Presidential Candidate’s Debate. Wars are raging in Gaza and Ukraine. Inflation is continuing. Thousands of asylum seekers are stranded at our southern border. Climate change is causing uncontrolled wildfires.
And what did Donnie decide to talk about? Illegal immigrants capturing and eating cats in Springfield, Ohio. Was this Donnie’s attempt to recapture the vital “childless cat lady vote” that JD squandered? Taylor Swift is a cat person. Was this Donnie’s attempt to get her endorsement?
Was the Cat Consuming Illegal Aliens Scandal even true? A Springfield resident (presumably not that prankster Bart Simpson) posted a warning on Facebook this week. She claimed that her neighbor’s daughter’s friend discovered that the Haitian immigrants living on her block were trying to capture and eat her pet cat. She also claimed that “rangers and police” told her that the Haitians were capturing ducks and geese from a local park.
Third-hand testimony from your neighbor’s daughter’s friend may not be admissible in a court of law, but that doesn’t stop MAGA folk from spreading it. They embellished the story with a photo of a Black guy carrying a live goose. The photo was taken last month in Columbus, Ohio and the Black guy was not a Haitian immigrant, but why allow the facts to get in the way of a good story?
JD Vance could not pass up this juicy tidbit. “Haitian illegal immigrants are draining social services and generally causing chaos all over Springfield, Ohio. Reports now show that people have had their pets abducted and eaten by people who shouldn’t be in this country! Where is our Border Czar?”
Not to be outdone, the Trump War Room published this on X, “President Trump will deport migrants who eat pets. Kamala Harris will send them to your town next. Make your choice, America!”
Springfield’s city fathers responded that the Haitians were not there illegally and that there were no reports of missing pets.
Did that stop Donnie from bringing up the Great Pet Crisis of 2024 last night? Of course not. He is the candidate who will deport those cat-eating migrants. Kamala will send them to your neighborhood seeking your pets for dinner. There have been vital issues in past presidential races. Slavery in 1860, the Great Depression in 1932, Vietnam in 1968. They pale in comparison to The Great Pet Crisis of 2024.
By Ed Dufton
