Snow Day Musings

Local TV News sprang into action for the first measurable snowfall of the season this morning.

Junior newscasters stood in the falling snow alongside major Lehigh Valley arteries verifying what we could see outside our windows. “It is snowing and traffic is moving slowly.” Their dour facial expression implied, “I spent four years studying Communications in college to stand alongside Route 22 and get splashed with slush from PENNDOT trucks? I got up at 4 AM for this?)”

The “crawl” across the bottom of the screen showed closings and delays due to the storm. Getting equal billing with the major school districts were educational institutions reflecting the deep and abiding religious faith here in the Lehigh Valley. Who wouldn’t send their offspring to Holy Family, Holy Infancy, or Holy Guardian Angels? I’ll bet they put on great Christmas pageants there.

Of course, there are the full complement of “Saint” schools, alphabetically from Ann to Ursula. Why are there no educational saints with V-W-X-Y-Z for an initial? “U” for Ursula was a stretch.

There were two school names that sounded like the kind of places where everyone wears the same sneakers, drinks Kool-Aid, and dies. Resurrected Life Children’s Academy was one. “The Little Engine That Could made it over to Heaven, kids. The Little Engine That Couldn’t gave up and descended into eternal fire and brimstone.”

Children of Joy Academy was the other. “I don’t care that you amputated a finger in the paper cutter and are spurting blood, Kayleigh. Children of Joy don’t cry.”

Lastly, one school name jumped out as needing a 21st century update. Creative Kids Learning Academy is so bland and 1980s. How about “Kreative Kidz in Action”? Now there’s a school that hip-hop parents would choose. I’ll bet that “Kreative Kids” would beat up “Resurrected Life” kids and steal their lunch money.

By Ed Dufton