Shark Mode

A priest, a rabbi, and a lawyer are on a rapidly-sinking lift raft in shark-infested waters. Fortunately, there is an island within swimming distance. The priest dives into the water but doesn’t make it ten yards before he is swallowed by the sharks. The rabbi decides to take his chances next. He leaps into the water and doesn’t even make d=five yards before the sharks get him too. The raft sinks and the lawyer leisurely strokes his way to the island. After he was rescued, he was asked, “Why didn’t the sharks get you, too?” He replied, “Professional courtesy.”

Lawyers are required to provide a “vigorous defense” for their clients. Sometimes, they overdo it and descend into “shark mode”.

Last week, Donnie’s crack legal team tried to convince the Supreme Court to delay Donnie’s sentencing in the New York falsifying of business records case until he was sworn in as president in which case he would be immune from any and all prosecution. Who knew that the perks of the presidency besides flying in that cool jet and traffic-clear motorcades wherever you want to go also included a “Get Out of Jail Free” card?

His lawyers claimed (apparently with a straight face), “President Trump is already suffering grave irreparable injury from the disruption and distraction that the trial court abruptly inflicted by suddenly scheduling a sentencing hearing for the President-Elect of the United States, on five days’ notice, at the apex of the Presidential transition. This threatens national security.”

That very same day, “national security” be damned, Donnie was assuaging the pain of that “grave irreparable harm” by playing a round of golf. Compartmentalizing is a good thing, but if our national security depends on Donnie’s full attention, we are screwed.

Of course, it all ended as a tempest in a teapot. Donnie’s criminal sentence was nothing. No jail time, no fine, no community service. “Shark mode” worked.

By Ed Dufton