Satire That Makes a Point
The Onion “spins” the news in a clever way that Tucker Carlson can only dream of. The Onion is reminiscent of the “satire that makes a point” from the old Jon Stewart Daily Show. Sadly, a version of the following appears after every mass shooting:
In the hours following a violent rampage in upstate New York in which a lone attacker killed 10 individuals and injured three others, citizens living in the only country where this kind of mass killing routinely occurs reportedly concluded Wednesday that there was no way to prevent the massacre from taking place. “This was a terrible tragedy, but sometimes these things just happen and there’s nothing anyone can do to stop them,” said New York resident Anthony Grady, echoing sentiments expressed by tens of millions of individuals who reside in a nation where over half of the world’s deadliest mass shootings have occurred in the past 50 years and whose citizens are 20 times more likely to die of gun violence than those of other developed nations. “It’s a shame, but what can we do? There really wasn’t anything that was going to keep this individual from snapping and killing a lot of people if that’s what they really wanted.” At press time, residents of the only economically advanced nation in the world where roughly two mass shootings have occurred every month for the past eight years were referring to themselves and their situation as “helpless.”
The facts are stark. Americans are twenty times more likely to die in gun violence than other First World citizens. We experienced an average of two mass shootings every month over the past eight years. Naturally, the Supreme Court is currently considering relaxing “concealed carry” regulations. Clarence Thomas, Samuel Alito, and “The Trump Three” apparently don’t worry that the wild-eyed guy wearing body armor under combat fatigues walking toward them might have an AR-15 stashed on his body. As a Black guy, you’d better beware, Clarence.
The Pennsylvania primary elections are mercifully over. Since January, Republican campaign ads on local TV invariably tout the candidates’ devotion to the 2nd amendment. In fact, GOP senatorial candidate Dave McCormick’s TV spot showed his Mom toting a 30.06. The woman must be in her 80s. From personal experience, eyesight, coordination, and strength fail rapidly after age 70. I wouldn’t feel safe if Mrs McCormick with her trusty weapon was walking toward me in the mall.
The GOP senatorial race remains “too close to call” this morning. Did Donnie’s endorsement push Dr Oz over the top? Local Trumpies placed signs all over their lawns emblazoned with a giant “OZ”. There’s no Yellow Brick Road but the “OZ” signs must point the way to the Emerald City. A great Halloween display would be placing mannequins of Dorothy, Scarecrow, Tin Man, and the Cowardly Lion alongside those “OZ” signs.
By Ed Dufton