Quick-Witted and Snarky

Oh to be as quick-witted and snarky as the writers of The Onion. Today’s top story is headlined “JD Vance Warns Millions of Women May Vote Under Influence of Menstrual Madness”. The Onion responds to every mass shooting with its all-time classic headline “Nothing We Can Do About It Say People From Only Country Where Mass Shootings Occur”.

Wannabe Onion writers may have caused Yelp to disable the page for the McDonalds where Donnie manned the fry station and the drive-thru window as a campaign stunt last weekend. “Now I’ve worked fifteen minutes more at McDonald’s than Kamala has,” said a sweat-soaked, reeking-of-cooking oil Donnie afterwards.

These are actual Yelp reviews:

“Went to this McDonalds to try the new Chicken Big Mac and was stunned to see a convicted felon operating the drive thru.”

“The fries were too salty as if someone who lost a major election has been crying over them for an hour.”

“The server got skin bronzer on my fries.”

A Trump campaign spokesman (naturally) blamed the Democrats for “seeking to terrorize a franchise owner of a great American establishment simply because President Trump showed up there.”

Lighten up, Jack. This was a campaign stunt and as such is fair game for mockery. “Terrorizing” is what Donnie does to immigrants when he promises to uproot them, send them to concentration camps and then ship them back to the place they escaped from.

MAGA folk had to reply. Before the Yelp page was pulled, one wrote, “The best McDonalds I’ve been to in 47 years. The older employee was extremely nice. Make McDonald’s Great Again! Five Stars!”

How vanilla. Apparently, quick-witted and snarky is a Liberal thing.

By Ed Dufton