Phlebotomy

Pretty much every medical visit requires a blood test. The “fasting” tests are the worst. “Hangry” seniors gather outside the door at the phlebotomist’s opening time. “I don’t care of you are in a wheelchair. I was in line first. You got the best parking spot outside. What else do you want?”

Once you get registered and in the Exam Room, the whole thing is over in a heartbeat. Regardless of how decrepit your circulatory system may be (and mine qualifies), an experienced phlebotomist can “pop” a vein in no time and send you on your merry way.

Apparently, Alabama phlebotomists are not so skilled. Its Governor postponed future executions via lethal injection after the last two attempts failed because the exececutioner could not find a vein. “The staff spent about an hour trying several locations within the prisoner’s body”, according to the Alabama Department of Corrections.

Does the prospect of execution really deter crime? No one knows. The prospect of being prodded all over your body by a sharp needle while helplessly strapped to a table and anticipating death would certainly give murderers second thoughts.

Why did those inept Alabamans give up after an hour? They had to give up at 11:55 PM because the Execution Order (like Cinderella’s magic) expired at midnight. The ultimate torture must be watching that clock inch toward twelve as your jailers continue jabbing you with needles.

The Governor denied that corrections officials were to blame for the problems plaguing the executions. “Legal tactics and criminals hijacking the system are at play.”

All I know is I will never have a blood test in Alabama. The “Heart of Dixie” is good at football but really poor at phlebotomy.

By Ed Dufton