Party Robot

“The Machines are taking over! Soon, there will be no jobs for people!”

Giant Supermarkets replaced its “clean -up on Aisle 4” crew with a six-foot tall Roomba clone that wanders the store frightening small children and a certain 76 year old. Modern McDonald’s have a confusing self-order kiosk. If your order is wrong, it’s your fault. The overwhelmed teen behind the counter isn’t there any more.

Believe it or not, there is an instance where a human replaced a machine. Party Robot is an eight foot tall, hulking Terminator “programmed to kill it on the dance floor”. For anywhere from $500 to $1,200 an hour, Party Robot will keep the energy high with nonstop dancing. P.R. also features programmable LED lighting over its entire frame and sports a “gun” that sprays carbon dioxide “smoke” over guests. Nothing says “Til death do us part” like a giant robot aiming its weapon at your loved ones.

According to Extraordinary Arts which rents out its stable of five Party Robots for weddings, bar mitzvahs, quinceneras, and gender reveal parties, “Nobody really ever wants to be the first on the dance floor. When you have a robot, it makes people a lot more comfortable to let loose.” Here I thought that it was the open bar that made people “more comfortable letting loose”.

Actually, Party Robot is a costume worn by a human, but one with, as Liam Neeson would say “a particular set of skills.” The most successful Party Robot is Ronald Arevalo who previously worked as a drywall installer and became comfortable walking on stilts. Ronald is also an excellent dancer.

Safety First! Party Robot comes with a “handler”. Poor Ronald cannot see very much from inside the suit. He can easily trip over small children or passed-out drunks. The “handler” more or less clears Ronald’s path.

Some day there will be likely a fully mechanical Party Robot. Those excellent dancers will have to return to their previous lives as drywall installers. Let’s see the Machines take over that job.

By Ed Dufton