Panelist Tryout

At the conclusion of NPR’s “Wait, Wait, Don’t Tell Me”, Host Peter Sagal states an absurd, though true, snippet from the week’s news and asks the panel, “What will happen next?” After wacky comments from the panel, the Golden Voice of Bill Kurtis then intones, “If that happens, you heard it first on “Wait, Wait, Don’t Tell Me.””

If there were “Wait, Wait” panelist tryouts, the acid test would be spontaneously coming up with witty “What Nexts”. Here are my best efforts:

A recent study has discovered that healthy men between the ages of 20 and 65 who vaped nicotine daily were more than twice as likely to report experiencing erectile dysfunction. What’s next?

A Viagra vape cartridge

Written instructions “Vape through your mouth NOT a different body opening.”

Stating that it “takes away our humanity,” Pope Francis made comments criticizing the selfishness of couples who choose to have dogs and cats instead of children. What’s next?

Confused “cat parents” will attempt to litter box train their toddlers.

The billion dollar Pet Halloween Costume Industry will go broke.

An all-male panel of judges in the U.K. ruled that commenting on a man’s baldness is a form of sex discrimination or sexual harassment, saying that since baldness is more prevalent in men, commenting on it in the workplace is equivalent to remarking on the size of a woman’s breasts. What’s next?

At long last, female construction workers can make crude suggestive comments toward passersby of the opposite gender. “Hubba, Hubba, Baldie!” Vengeance is sweet.

A courtroom defendant can claim, “He had it coming. When he slowly removed that cap and revealed his sexy, shiny pate, I couldn’t help myself.”

If that’s the best I can do, I’m clearly not WWDTM panelist material.

By Ed Dufton