Only in America

“Only in America…” A recent New Yorker article inadvertently encapsulated the zaniness that is “The Land of the Free”.

A German couple and their ten year old son visited Death Valley, CA in mid-summer this year. Temperatures were 100–130 degrees every day. Death Valley is appropriately named. No life is visible. Why would any sane person visit there?

It turned out that Germany had a very popular series of children’s books with the stories of cowboys and Indians set in (you guessed it) Death Valley. The rest of the world had Harry Potter. Nostalgic Germans flock to Death Valley for the same reason that the rest of us comb Paddington Station for Gate 9–3/4 in hoops of catching the Hogwart’s Express. Lots of Germans don’t make it very far into Death Valley before they are overcome with heat prostration which was the main topic of the article.

The German couple did not cite the intense heat at Death Valley as the thing that surprised them most about America. It was the fact that their ten year old son could stand at a gun store counter and fondle firearms while he was forbidden to join them at the cocktail bar in a Las Vegas casino. In America, guns are good for developing brains. Slot machines are bad.

If those Germans really wanted to be surprised by America, Mrs Germany could begin bleeding out from an ectopic pregnancy in one of the states where she cannot be treated until she developed sepsis.

“Only in America…” — 130 degree temperatures and guns for everyone, but keep those kids out of casinos and a return to 19th century obstetrics.

By Ed Dufton