Not Making This Up
Humorist Dave Barry often slipped what appeared to be outrageous statements in his newspaper columns with the qualifier, “I’m not making this up.” Dave did not actually write the following in 2016, but it is typical of his work: “With zero political experience and a background of philandering and bankruptcies, Donald Trump was elected president of the United States, following in the footsteps of Washington, Lincoln, and Roosevelt. I’m not making this up.”
Alas, Dave is retired now. If he were still writing, he would jump all over this item from the news: “A new study revealed that women are 15% more likely to suffer a bad outcome and 32% more likely to die when operated on by a male surgeon than by a female surgeon. Male surgeons’ “implicit sex biases” are believed to be one possible explanation.” Again, I’m not making this up.
Inflation, COVID, voting rights, Ukraine, murdered police and the like dominate the recent news, but misogyny on the operating table deserves a place on the front page. This is truly “what you need to know”.
Maybe it is the result of daily exposure to “Fox & Friends” at the gym, but I find myself formulating “alternative facts” to counter disturbing news.
“That mob on Jan 6 was no worse than the average Capitol tour group.”
“Jewish Space Lasers interfered with voting machines in 2020 and caused Biden to win.”
“Alternative facts” for the misogynistic surgeon story include:
“Even under anasthesia, women need to learn how to better explain where it hurts while on the operating table. It’s all their fault.”
“Everyone looks the same dressed in a hospital gown. Female patients should be dressed in sexy lingerie prior to surgery to avoid gender confusion.”
“Are there really female surgeons? How can feminine attention to detail, dexterity, and smaller hands be an advantage in surgery?”
“Bring back Playboy magazine! Male medical students who studied air-brushed, physically-impossible female forms could distinguish a man from a woman fifty years ago.”
I am making these “alternative facts” up, but the misogynistic surgery survey story is true.
By Ed Dufton
