Mother’s Day and Politics
Politics never takes a break — even for Mother’s Day.
The Republican nominee for one of Pennsylvania’s US Senate seats will be chosen on May 17. The leading candidates have much in common. Neither previously held political office or served the public in any capacity. In fact, until early this year, neither was a Pennsylvania resident. Both possess great gobs of money though and both are spending lavishly on TV ads. Some rich guys piss away their money going into space. Others attempt to buy a Senate seat. Six years on C-Span is probably better than six minutes of weightlessness.
The famous Dr Oz is currently leading in polls mostly due to name recognition and an endorsement from Donald J. Trump. “Dr Oz’s magic weight loss pills really worked for me. The last TV personality we elected worked out so well.” Oprah would be shocked to learn that her protege now believes that abortion should be illegal regardless of rape, incest or the mother’s health and that Donnie’s wall should stretch from sea to shining sea.
The Senator who will be replaced this year, Pat Toomey, is well-known around the Capitol for his limitless supply of PA’s own Hershey’s candies. Just drop in to Pat’s office and walk out with a handful of Kisses, Reese’s and Kit-Kats. If Oz takes over that office, Capitol staffers can gorge on free dietary supplements. Our nation’s leaders will be slim with bright eyes and thick lustrous hair thanks to the Good Doctor.
Oz’s opponent is Dave McCormick, previously CEO of a massive hedge fund. Dave is playing the “just one of the guys” card. His TV ads show him stealthily wandering Pennsylvania fields armed with a 30.06 seeking the elusive trophy buck. Deer hunting is so popular in PA that most school districts cancel classes on the first day of Buck Season. “School holidays include Christmas, Thanksgiving, etc. and, of course Buck Opening Day. No one would show up for school anyway.”
To drive home Dave’s love of guns, his campaign aired a special Mother’s Day TV ad. It featured Dave’s brother and Dave’s Mom both dressed in hunting garb and carrying rifles. Dave’s bro begins, “The best shot in the McCormick family is our Mom. We call her Annie Oakley.” Mom just smiles, goes into firing position (a good one by the way, rifle stock firmly in her shoulder, elbow extended, breath in and held) and blasts away.
Now that is a Pennsylvania Mom. You won’t see Mama Oz exercising her precious Second Amendment rights. His Mother’s Day TV ad may swing the nomination to Dave McCormick.
By Ed Dufton