More Photogenic

Every five years, PENNDOT requires an updated driver’s license photo. As if I don’t look the same as I did in 1974…

I endured the process last month. It was “Wham, Bam, Thank you, Ma’am” with no time to primp before being startled by the thousand megawatt flash. It is no wonder that everyone’s driver’s license photo has that “deer in the highlights” aspect.

Too late for me, but a recent internet article described “How To Be More Photogenic and Look Good In Any Picture”. Tips included:

“Consider angling your body about 45 degrees away from the camera and turning your head toward it such that your good side is more prominent.”

Is my “good side” the one with the mole alongside my nose or the one with the age spots? Do I even have a “good side”?

“Don’t face the camera head-on and show all your teeth.”

Are my nicotine-stained, crooked choppers not attractive? Who knew?

“The closer a camera is to your face, the more likely it is that it will overemphasize the bits that are closest to it. That means your nose.”

That was a big part of my problem with the PENNDOT camera. That was why my driver’s license photo looks like I just went 15 brutal rounds with Muhammad Ali. The damn camera was too close.

Five years from now, I’ll tilt my head, keep my teeth under wraps, and scoot away from the camera. State troopers will mistake me for Brad Pitt when they stop me on the road.

By Ed Dufton