Grimace Shake

The sign outside McDonald’s read, “Get Your Grimace Shake!” Any time this 75 year old body shakes, I grimace. That can’t be what the sign means.

A quick Google search revealed the truth. “Your favorite purple pal, Grimace, is having a birthday! Starting June 12, fans can get in on the festivities with the Grimace Birthday Meal* — featuring a limited-edition purple shake inspired by Grimace’s iconic color and sweetness. The meal also comes with the choice of a Big Mac® or 10-piece Chicken McNuggets®, and World Famous Fries®.”

But wait, there’s more…McDonald’s launched “an exclusive video game in collaboration with Krool Toys®, where you can immerse yourself in Grimace’s world as he races around classic McDonald’s birthday scenes to find his pals — like Birdie and Hamburglar — all in a quest to cut his birthday cake.” This is the 21st century after all. Video games replaced Saturday morning TV commercials as the best means to brainwash kids into unhealthy nutrition habits. “Grimace Quest” undoubtedly includes McDonald’s commercials between levels.

Squeezing every penny out of its customers, McDonald’s offers the latest in summer fashion. “Dress to impress in Grimace-inspired merch — from tees to socks — available to purchase beginning June 12 on GoldenArchesUnlimited.com, while supplies last.” I’m betting that those supplies will last a good long time.

McDonald’s website also included Grimace’s back story. “For those just realizing how little you actually know about your purple pal…Grimace is from Grimace Island and comes from a huge family (including his Grandma Winky, aunts Millie and Tillie and his Uncle O’Grimacey!) Our timeless bestie has become a fan-favorite known for his signature fuzzy purple look, friendly and playful personality, love for shakes, and of course — ambiguous nature. What exactly is Grimace? Perhaps we’ll never know…”

If Grimace’s birthday proves to be a hit, can Uncle O’Grimacey’s bar mitzvah or Grandma Winky’s wake be far behind?

The Grimace Birthday Meal goes for a whopping $15. The shake ordered a la carte is a much better deal at a mere $5. What happened to $1.49 Happy Meals?

Calorically, that $15 is almost a bargain. The Grimace Birthday Meal provides 1490 calories, 64 grams of fat, and 186 total carbs. The recommended daily caloric intake is 2,000 for women and 2,500 for men. To lose weight, medical experts recommend 1,500 calories per day.

Ladies! Eat only one Grimace Birthday Meal every day! You’ll lose weight and save money! Only $15 per day!

The Grimace Shake accounts for 550 of those calories.

Guys! Do the same as the ladies, but you can have an extra Shake and still lose weight!

Only in America.

By Ed Dufton