Florida Man

Wait, Wait, Don’t Tell Me has a good time with tales of “Florida Man”. Often, these tales involve crime and exotic animals. “A Florida Man attempted to rob a McDonald’s Drive-Thru with a unique weapon. What was it?” “A live alligator.”

Florida is unique among the fifty states in that it is illegal there to enquire regarding COVID vaccination status. “If God wants me to die, I will die. Kindly remove my gator’s muzzle while I douse my body in pig’s blood. Let’s prove God’s will.” Florida Governor Ron DeSantis is actually proud of “Don’t Ask. Don’t Tell” regarding vaccination. Not surprisingly, the Sunshine State leads the nation in COVID cases and hospitalizations.

Governor Ron recognizes that tourism is the engine driving his state’s economy. A big part of that are cruise ships departing Miami in mid-winter for the sunny Caribbean. In one week in December, three cruise ships suffered COVID outbreaks. Aruba actually denied entry to one affected ship which turned around and headed back to Florida. As important as cruises are to Florida, they must be absolutely vital to Aruba. Those lost tourist dollars can never be recovered. When a Caribbean island accepts an economic hit to protect its citizens from COVID while a US state takes its chances with the pandemic, it makes you wonder.

That ship had 2,500 passengers and 1,100 crew. Despite the TV commercials showing cruise passengers luxuriating in swimming pools and even riding roller coasters on board, I’m guessing that 3,600 people are crowded together in a limited space. “Oh great, the person elbowing me out of the way in the buffet line may have COVID. The steward cleaning my cabin just sneezed! We’re all going to die.”

Wait, Wait, Don’t Tell Me may begin a new series about “Florida Governor” involving disregard of public health.

By Ed Dufton