First Week as a Felon

Lynette Dufton
2 min readJun 7, 2024

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What do Donald J. Trump and Mother Teresa have in common? According to Donnie, that “rigged” New York jury and that “evil” Judge would convict her in its “Witch Hunt” trial, the same as it did to him. Mother Teresa was well-known for shagging porn stars and paying them off with money claimed as “business expenses”, but she apparently got away with it. Only Donnie is a “political prisoner” today.

How did Donnie’s first week as a convicted felon go? He was sentenced to play round after round of arduous golf — including some very challenging par 5s! He was forced to endure the harsh confines of his triplex at Trump Tower, his compound at Mar-a-Lago and his Boeing 757. He was exposed to the dangerous conditions of a UFC event — ringside, no less — for more than three hours. He was even subjected to the most cruel and unusual punishments: a 90-minute interview with “Fox & Friends,” an hour with Sean Hannity and even a harrowing one-on-one with Newsmax. Finally, he was transported all the way to Phoenix on Thursday and forced to experience the adoration of ardent supporters at a campaign event.

And you thought Alexei Navalny had it tough in that Siberian gulag.

It turned out that being a felon is profitable. In the 24 hours after his conviction, Donnie hauled in a cool $53 million on-line from folks who probably delayed paying their electric bill to scrape up the money That is small potatoes compared to Donnie’s appearance at a Las Vegas fundraiser this weekend. A seat at the front table and a personalized photo with Donnie is available for a mere $844,600 per couple.

Why not $800 K or $1 MM? The same accountants who advised Donnie to list the $150 K that Michael Cohen paid to Stormy Daniels as “legal fees” probably informed those rich Las Vegas Republicans that the IRS would notice $1 MM as a campaign donation, but $844,600 could be “written off” as Pool Maintenance Expenses on their Form 1040. As long as they are not prosecuted by a “rigged” NY jury and an “evil” Judge, it will all work out.

By Ed Dufton

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Lynette Dufton

These posts are written by my father, Ed Dufton, who has an incredible knack of condensing the day’s news into a witty and insightful commentary on society.