Donnie’s English Teacher
It is mind-boggling watching close-captioned Fox News on the screens at the gym.
Yesterday, the attractive blondes on Fox’s “Outnumbered” were outraged that uncensored Roald Dahl books like “James and The Giant Peach” were allowed in America’s classrooms. The book has been around since 1961, ladies. Two generations of students have been exposed to it and the world has not ended.
This was followed by a commercial urging viewers to sign on to a website urging Ron DeSantis to run for president. “Give us your e-mail address and your phone number and you will never be lonely again. We will fill both to the brim with funding requests.”
For the first time in memory, Fox News did not mention Donald J. Trump during my entire 30 minute stretch on the recumbent bike. Evidently, Donnie noticed as well (though likely not from an exercise device). Donnie issued a tweet knocking Fox for promoting DeSantis “so hard and so much that there’s not much time left for Real News.”
Wait a minute, there’s “Real News” on Fox?
Directly quoting Donnie’s tweet: “Reminds me of 2016 when they were pushing ‘JEB!’ The new Fox Poll, which have always been purposely terrible for me, has ‘TRUMP Crushing DeSanctimonious,’ but they barely show it. Isn’t there a big, beautiful, Network which wants to do well, and make a fortune besides? FAKE NEWS!”
Somewhere Donnie’s English teacher at NY Military Academy or at Penn is questioning their life’s work. “Didn’t I teach him that every sentence needs a subject not to mention ending punctuation unlike the first sentence here. The new Fox Poll (singular) needs a singular verb like “has always been” but if it’s new, how can it “have always been”? Who is the “they” in “they barely show it.”? Is the new Fox Poll third person plural?”
“Also, capitalization is reserved for proper nouns and the first word in sentences and the last item in a list is not followed by a comma — “big, beautiful, Network” is wrong on both counts.”
“Your tweet deserves a D Minus, Mr Trump. I’d give you an F except your Daddy would get me fired.”
The three least-fulfilling jobs in America are substitute gym teacher, pro wrestling referee, and Donald Trump’s English teacher.
By Ed Dufton
