Donnie’s Choice
Sometimes, there’s no good choice.
The classic example is “Imagine you control a railroad switch. A speeding train is headed toward it. On one fork is a stalled bus full of school children. On the other is a single derelict. Which way do you direct the train?”
Yesterday, Donnie presented a similar “no good choice” to 2 million(!) Federal employees. “Resign from your job immediately and get paid through Sep 30, or go back to the office even if you are allowed remote work and possibly be laid off anyway.” Unfortunately, “Donnie’s Choice” was not available to Lieutenant Dufton when he was freezing his ass off in Korea fifty-five years ago.
The White House Office of Personnel Management announced “Donnie’s Choice” in a heartfelt memo that stated, “At this time, we cannot give you full assurance regarding the certainty of your position or agency, but should your position be eliminated, you will be treated with dignity.” Speaking from personal experience, there is zero dignity when you find a cardboard box for your personal belongings atop your desk and a Security Guy standing there to make sure you don’t abscond with any office supplies.
What will be the effect of “Donnie’s Choice”? Again, speaking from personal experience, several years ago, I received a computer-generated letter from the IRS threatening a lien on 10 Beaver Lane if I didn’t pay some $500 in taxes due. That $500 had been deducted and paid to the IRS. I had the Form 1099 to prove it. Getting a live IRS person on the phone proved impossible. “Leave your number and we will call you when an agent is available.” It took three days and this was in mid-summer well after the filing rush around April 15. If half of the IRS agents take Donnie’s offer, the “bloated bureaucracy” will be even more inefficient.
MAGA apologists leaped to Donnie’s defense. Rep. Andy Harris wrote, “If, at the end of this exercise, we have converted public-employed personnel to private-employed personnel working to increase GDP and to manufacture things here in the US, that’s a good thing.” Solid thinking, Andy. Laid-off Federal food inspectors can easily get jobs at (non-existent) American steel mills. You had better cook the crap out of your steak to kill off the e-coli though.
“First Buddy” Elon Musk predicted that 5% to 10% of eligible Federal employees would bail. You may be good at electric cars and spaceships, Elon, but human nature is not your forte. Bail now and get paid for seven months to find a new job, or stay to face an uncertain future with more work to make up for the people who left.
“Donnie’s Choice” isn’t a choice at all.
By Ed Dufton
