Don Draper Where Are You?
Mass media advertising directed toward men has gone straight downhill since the days of Mad Men’s Don Draper. ’60s Madison Avenue gave us the Marlboro Man. “Screw the Surgeon General’s Report. Screw the phlegm that I cough up after a pack of smokes per day. I want to ride the plains puffing a Marlboro to the “Magnificent 7” theme.”
In those days, filter cigarettes were considered effeminate. Real men (like my Dad) smoked only Camels. “You can light either end”. The three ciggies included in each Army C-ration were unfiltered Lucky Strikes. The Marlboro Man changed all that. If cowboys smoke filter cigarettes, I can do so without losing my Man Card.
Similarly, “light” beer never took off until a Don Draper type came up with former athletes shouting “Tastes great / Less filling” at each other. “Sure, I’m paying full price for watered-down Budweiser or Miller, but if Dick Butkus drinks it, it must be OK.”
“Tastes great / Less filling” is still around, but there hasn’t been an advertising campaign that changed the buying habits of “real men” in a long time.
Enter “True Classic Tee Shirts”. As advertised on Internet pop-ups (so it must be true), True Classic claims:
“One sold every five seconds” (Better get mine while the getting’s good)
“Look more muscular” (Would I rather sweat for hours in the gym or pull on a magic tee shirt? Tough decision)
“Goodbye, manboobs” (Nothing is more emasculating than the dreaded manboobs)
“Hides “DadBod” belly” (Would I rather do 500 sit-ups or pull on a magic tee shirt? Another tough decision)
“It’s not just a tee shirt. Our premium tees are designed for men’s bodies. They accentuate the arms and shoulders to make you stand out and feel great.” (What? I was expecting something like Spanx. It’s just regular tee shirt material cut a little differently?)
In small print, “Two for $48.58” (What a rip-off. $25 for a tee shirt?)
I refuse to buy a “True Classic’ tee until I see the Marlboro Man wearing one or I see a famous former Phillie shouting at a famous former Eagle, “No manboobs / No DadBod”. Don Draper, where are you?
By Ed Dufton
