Do As I Say

“Do as I say, not as I do” could be placed in large gold letters on Trump properties. It’s Donnie’s motto.

In 2017 when there still was a Twitter and when Donnie was still allowed on it, he tweeted from the White House, “The Democrats have been told, and fully understand, that there can be no DACA without the desperately needed WALL at the Southern Border and an END to the horrible Chain Migration & ridiculous Lottery System of Immigration etc.” There were no exclamation points and only one capitalization, so he wasn’t totally serious about it.

To replace the lottery, Trump favored implementing a merit system to prioritize skilled workers. It was a good idea to welcome Albert Einstein and Nikola Tesla to America after all. America really needed AC power from Tesla and the atom bomb from Einstein. It was apparently also a great idea to welcome Melania Knaus (later Trump) due to her “extraordinary ability as a model” as stated on her “green card” application. America also really needed semi-nude lingerie models.

Apparently America also needed babysitting grandparents. After Barron was born, Melania’s mom magically cut ahead of the line and obtained am immigration visa. Mom was just what America needed at the time. She had attended but never graduated from the Slovenian School of Fashion Design. America needed more Slovenian fashion.

In August, 2017, a few months after Trump took office and as he was criticizing “chain migration,” Mom took the dreaded citizenship test. She must have stayed up all night studying because she correctly answered questions such as the name of the U.S. national anthem (“The Star-Spangled Banner”) and the ocean on the west coast of the United States (Pacific). She also correctly answered whether she was associated with the Communist Party (no) and whether she would bear arms to defend the United States (yes). America needs more septuagenarian grandmothers in our armed forces.

Sadly, Melania’s mom died recently, so these records became available to the public. Melania’s dad is still alive, so his immigration records remain sealed. It’s a fairly certain bet that he magically cut to the head of the immigration line as well.

Chain migration is bad (unless Melania’s family is involved). Do as I say, not as I do.

By Ed Dufton