Creative Writing
Colleges and graduate schools spewed hundreds of Creative Writing majors into the world this year. Every one of them imagined themselves as the next Arthur Miller achieving immortality with “Death of a Salesman”. More realistically, some looked at “serious” TV and saw themselves the next David E. Kelley still raking in residuals from “Ally McBeal” and “Doogie Houser”. Then, of course, some hoped to emulate Chuck Lorre who is laughing all the way to the bank with residuals from “Two and a Half Men” and “Big Bang Theory”.
Last night’s TV grid showed the steep slope that fledgling writers must climb to get a job and pay off those college loans. The four major networks’ prime time schedule had only one scripted series “Chicago Med”. The others showed a hockey game, a game show, and “Masterchef”, all unscripted. The minor networks showed unscripted “Dateline” and a rerun of “Modern Family”. There’s not a lot of openings for writers there.
What about “Made for TV” movies? That must be a fountain of opportunity for young writers. Last night’s TV grid would cast doubt on that. The Hallmark Channel showed “Paris, Wine, and Romance” while Lifetime featured “Cheerleader Abduction” followed by “Young, Stalked, and Pregnant”. “Made for TV” movies are totally formulaic.
Hallmark always has an attractive (but not too attractive so the viewer can identify with her) girl dissatisfied with her life in the big city who is called back to her bucolic home town (or to Paris in rare cases) to deal with a family emergency. There, she “meets cute” an old flame though they still hold grudges from the past. They are thrown together in a worthy cause (“Save the Old Schoolhouse”). Romance blooms (but never nudity) and we have an incredibly happy ending. By the way, it is always warm and sunny in the old home town. You wonder why our heroine ever left.
Lifetime’s formula is revealed in its titles. You never would guess that ”Gone With the Wind” was about the Civil War, but you can pretty much sum up the plot of “Young, Stalked, and Pregnant” from its title.
Supposedly, “A million monkeys on a million typewriters over a million years would eventually come up with the complete works of Shakespeare.” It took a while to write “To Kill A Mockingbird”. In a half hour, a 10th grader otherwise failing English could cut and paste “Young, Stalked, and Pregnant” — The Sequel” from the original script and sell it to Lifetime.
These are tough times for Creative Writers.
By Ed Dufton
