Crazy Laws

Before the primary elections is prime time for crazy laws to be proposed. Only your base can vote and you must appeal to their “base instincts”. “Mississippi set the abortion time limit at 16 weeks. We Texans will do better than that. We’ll set it at 6 weeks.”

“You Texans will not outdo us Oklahomans. We’ll match your 6 weeks and make it a felony to not only provide an abortion but to give a ride to the clinic.”

Republicans in Tennessee proposed a bill that would establish a “class of marriage” limited to heterosexual people. “So what if the Supreme Court declared gay marriage legal? Only straight people can get a deluxe Tennessee marriage!” In recognition that this is, in fact, the 21st century, the marriage bill for the first time in the Volunteer State’s history includes age limits.

There was some opposition to the age limit. “If you can enlist in the Army at 18, why aren’t you also mature enough to legally marry a 12-year-old?”

There is some history here. Loretta Lynn was 15 when she married and it didn’t hurt her career. Jerry Lee Lewis, who was at least as popular as Elvis at the time, married his 13 year old first cousin in 1958. Actually, that did kind of sink his career for a decade or two, but he is still rockin’ and rollin’.

Our Republican friends are four-square opposed to gay marriage. The Tennessee Marriage Bill certainly scratched that itch. They also support all those claims that Progressive Democrats are secret pedophiles. If Hillary Clinton runs a pedophile ring out of a D.C. pizza shop, it will look bad for Deep Red Tennessee to still allow 13 year olds to marry legally.

“Sorry, Ellie Mae. You will have to at least finish 10th grade before you can marry here in Tennessee.”

By Ed Dufton