Bigger and Better

Surely, Trump 2.0 will bigger and better than the original.

One of the lowlights of the first Trump administration was when he proposed “trading Puerto Rico for Greenland.” Perhaps Donnie was unaware that the Vikings abandoned Greenland 1,000 years ago. Instead of white Scandanavian Greenlanders becoming US citizens, we would have to welcome brown (under all that fur clothing) Eskimos. Once he realized that, he dropped the idea.

But Trump 2.0 did not give up on annexing a peaceful neighbor for no apparent reason. Last week, Prime Minister Trudeau rushed to Mar-a-Lago to protest Donnie’s threatened 25% tariff on Canadian imports. Trudeau argued that this violated the North American Free Trade Agreement signed under Donnie’s first administration that the man himself claimed was “The Best Ever!!!”. Donnie replied, “If you don’t like it, you can become our 51st state.” According to reporters on the scene, “Nervous laughter ensued.”

Yup, that’s the Future Leader of the Free World in action.

Personally, I’m with Donnie on this tariff thing. I would not object to more expensive Canadian bacon on Egg McMuffins. I don’t eat them anyway. I’ll wager that the majority of those Canadian geese befouling our cornfields and ponds have no green cards. Frankly, it’s high time we deported all those Canadian hockey players and gave American boys ice time. Give me artificially-flavored Mrs Butterworth’s on my pancakes every time over that pure Canadian maple syrup.

I would hate to see Canada as the 51st state. Their radical concepts of socialized medicine, low prescription drug prices, legal abortion, and polite politics is the opposite of everything that MAGA stands for. I fondly remember a newscast of a protester accosting a Canadian Parliament member with “F#%k, you, sir.” Canadians may be as politically polarized as we are, but they are polite about (“aboot” as they would say) it.

If Trump 2.0 actually involves annexing Canada, it will be much bigger and better than the Greenland thing. Greenland’s population is a mere 56,000. That’s half the population of Allentown. Canada is home to nearly 40 million. That would be like adding another California. Bigger and better, indeed.

By Ed Dufton