Avo-geddon

Produce should be crunchy. When you bite into an apple, there’s a satisfying crunch. Everyone loves apples. When you bite into a tomato, there’s no crunch. Ugly red juice spews all over. Not everyone loves tomatoes.

Avocados are somewhere in-between. When you bite into an avocado, the mouth-feel is mushy. Still, some people love avocados. Others wonder if that mushy mouth-feel indicates spoilage and presages an afternoon on the toilet.

Last year, an avocado shortage loomed. Avocados come from Mexico. Texas Governor Greg Abbott showed his MAGA support by holding up truckloads of avocados at the border for “inspection”. Were illegal aliens disguising themselves as green fruit to sneak into the country? Video showed non-refrigerated produce trailers backed up for miles at the border crossings. Avocados spoiled. Guacamole was not made. And this was just before the Biggest Guacamole Day of the Year, Super Bowl Sunday.

Despair not, avocado fans. Governor Abbott finds more satisfaction in bussing illegals to northern “sanctuary cities” than in spoiling fruit this year. A bumper crop is available. In fact, Philadelphia’s food banks received five trailer loads of surplus avocados this week. It is “Avo-geddon”, Free Avocados For All”.

I wonder how popular “Avo-geddon” will be.

My philosophy has always been, “If it’s for free, it’s for me.” I might draw the line at mushy, mouth-feel fruits though.

By Ed Dufton