A Rich Man Like Me

I was nearly suckered in by Donald Trump in 2016. “I am very, very rich. I don’t need campaign contributions. I won’t be influenced by lobbyists and special interests.” That sounded great, but proved to be as truthful as “I’ll release my tax returns as soon as they are audited.”, “I received the highest grades in the history of the Wharton School.”, and “My doctors told me that I am the healthiest person ever to become president.”

Campaign contributions are a gamble. Donors can’t be sure if their guy might lose in which case all that money is wasted. They’ll never get that ambassadorship to somewhere warm and peaceful. Inauguration contributions are another matter. Your guy already won. Donnie hauled in a cool $107 million for his first back in 2017.

That will be “small potatoes” compared to his 2025 Inauguration. A pre-Inauguration Candlelight Dinner at Mar-a-Lago next week requires a $1 million per person contribution. Presumably, an open bar is included.

For those who can’t make it to Florida, there will be another Candlelight Dinner in D.C. on the night before the Inauguration. Melania will actually attend this one. There’s some question about whether she will grace the Mar-a-Lago bash with her presence. Supporters who give $1 million personally or who are responsible for raising $2 million from their corporation are guaranteed six tickets to this event.

But wait, there’s more…Donors also get two tickets to an “intimate dinner” with JD Vance and Usha on Jan 18, tickets to an earlier “cabinet reception” (“Let’s watch Pete Hegseth get falling down drunk again!”) and invites to the Starlight Ball after the Inauguration (“Let’s see if Melania joins Donnie in YMCA”).

When John D. Rockefeller was asked why he grudgingly gave only a dime tip to taxi drivers and hat checks when he was worth hundreds of millions, he responded, “How do you think a rich man like me became a rich man like me?” Donnie’s Inauguration Packages also include bookings at “select D.C. hotels”, though donors will have to pay for a four night stay at the hotels separately. If you can afford $1 million for a Candlelight Dinner, getting socked for a four night hotel stay is probably not a financial burden. Still, if Donnie was asked why he didn’t include the hotel stay in his Inauguration Package, he would certainly reply, “How do you think a rich man like me became a rich man like me?”

By Ed Dufton